Maryanne von Essen

“I am waiting for your yes.” After a lifetime of feeling called toward something out of reach, Maryanne realized the missing piece wasn’t God’s silence, but a dream she had been told was impossible for women. This is the inspiring preview of her journey to ordination.

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From the time that I was in High School I felt a loss. I had no vocation, no calling. My friends were all planning life after school and I had no idea what I was called to. 

I ended up teaching pre-school, I enjoyed it but never felt that this was my calling. I continued for many, many years to try and find my vocation. In my deepest self, I believed that God had created me for a purpose but I didn’t know what it was. 

I did every retreat, every course, read books all to try and figure out ‘who am I in God?’

And yet God was silent and I felt great loss. After I had done the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises and still had no answer from God. My Spiritual Director suggested that my calling could be that of a Spiritual Director. During the training for the giving of Spiritual Direction, we were frequently given time to pray if this was our vocation. I prayed and meditated but never felt a confirmation from God that this was mine to do.

One day in frustration I asked God to just say Yes or No but the answer I got was “I am waiting for your yes, Maryanne”. It was only later did I realise that the ‘Yes’ God wanted was to the priesthood. 

Not long after this we moved to Cape Town and I was introduced to a RCWP community, Open Table, pastored by Mary Ryan. There I felt as if I had come home! The inclusive language, the liturgy that was not centered on Atonement and the welcoming community showed me a new and beautiful way to be Catholic.

In that inclusive space, I realised that I did have a vocation – I was called to be a priest! I had not been able to hear that call because I was conditioned from early on to believe that it was not an option for women. I felt incredible relief that I now knew that God had called me, that I had a vocation. I thought it was too late for me to do anything about it but it was enough to just know. I was humbled to realise that I was not alone in this and was reminded of Hamilton Naki, who was the laboratory assistant to Dr. Chris Barnaard, the South African doctor who had pioneered the first heart transplant. Barnaard said that Naki had the potential to be a great surgeon but because of Apartheid laws, he could not study.  I had been called to be a priest but because of Church law, I could not live my potential.

However, Mary Ryan encouraged me to see that it wasn’t too late to study and live the life I was meant to live. I was ordained on the 4th May 2025 and on the following Sunday the 11th May, I celebrated my first Mass – that was the day I truly knew – this is mine to do and I am so grateful and it is with great joy that I am finally who I was born to be.